Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Another day another fail

Hello! friends

So iv only been eating about 600 calories a day and the going on a walk that burns about 100. And i gained a pound. Could it be water weight? I'm not sure. So today i had about 450ish most likely less but better safe the sorry and walked around the mall for a good 45 mins (125 cal burned). Tomorrow i'm going to go for 350ish and hopefully burn at lest 250 off before mother gets home.

Speaking of Mother. I found her blog on her computer.( I found blogger before her and have another account but i wanted to start a new one.) Read some of her posts. Its nice to know that im not the daughter she dreams of. She wants a perfect family that goes on bike ride. A daughter who has her friends over more often and spends time with the family. Who goes on walks and eat breakfast with everyone Evey morning. Something that's not me. That i can't be. Makes me feel like i failed. Not just her but everything. I'm not perfect and she doesn't love me as much as she would if i was. It makes me wish i could tell her something. Tell her how much iv tried. How much i cried hating myself for not being perfect. How i have starved and how i have cut. How much i hurt trying to make her happy. Not being able to be myself. Cause if i did I'm scared i would hurt her.

Is it selfish to want to be happy at the risk of other being hurt?

Sorry i cant upload pictures wont let me for some reason. Ill make up for it


1 comment:

  1. Sorry to hear this, my mother is like that too. You're not alone.

    / Avy